Q&A 205
Q. If you want me to be honest, all that sounds rather cute… But in today’s world… Not pragmatic enough.
A. In a sense I agree with you. Talking about love is never the same as loving. Talking about onions never makes the eyes run with water. Rather than study the theology of celibacy, study the life of any celibate friend of yours. Their cheerful self-giving in their professional work and to their friends and ideals will always be much more eloquent than anything I could ever describe to you.
Q. Anyway… That was your first idea. What is your second?
A. Second idea was to consider that Jesus is different because He is perfect man. He didn't and doesn't have any vices, any weaknesses of body (e.g. lust) or intellect (e.g. fullhardiness) or of the will (e.g. laziness). We find it hard to do good because we have these weaknesses - some guys more in one area, other guys more in another area. Jesus had and has no such weakness, no vice. He experienced physical weaknesses of tiredness and fear but not the weaknesses of vice. For that reason, He did not and does not experience disorder in sex or sexuality. We find it hard, especially given the environment we breathe every day.
Q. And I suppose you could also apply what you were saying earlier about an ideal greater than oneself to Him…
A. Very correct! Given that He was so consumed with accomplishing the will of His Father, any temptations He would have experienced here would not have bothered Him. As the African ancients would say, "A fly never enters a boiling pot."
Q. Is it the same for numeraries like you? Because despite what we’ve just been discussing, I’m of the psychological school that sex is a basic survival need.
A. I don’t think that makes sense logically speaking: if sex was a basic survival need, then by definition you cannot survive without it. But clearly people do. Therefore, it cannot be a basic survival need.
But yes, numeraries are able to cheerfully persevere in celibacy because of their love for God and for the calling He has drawn them to.
I should probably add at this stage the third idea and one observation.
Q. Let’s hear them!
A. First of all, a celibate and a married guy are not that different: a celibate man says no to all women; a married man says no to all women, except one. Both have to learn how to control their sexual desires – both have to live the virtue of purity according to their circumstances.
Q. Hahahaha! I’ve never heard it phrased that way! But even then at least the married man can still legitimately get some sex.
A. Correct! But whenever his wife is not in the mood (legitimately) he is effectively celibate. And guess how many hours in a typical day a married couple spend having sex…
Q. Hehe! That’s a cheeky question.
A. Just to make a point.
Q. Point taken!
And what was the observation?
A. That among my friends – both celibate and married – the moment the purpose of that purity becomes befuddled, then purity itself (and with it both celibacy and fidelity) becomes meaningless.
To be continued…
21stSeptember 2019