Q&A 112
Apologies this one went well over the word limit.
Q. Spiritual law of self-preservation!? Haven't heard that one before!
A. I use it analogously. If you are physically dead you can't help the physically living. Similarly, if you are spiritually dead you can't help the spiritually living. You have to ensure your own spiritual life or virtue first before you can help others in theirs.
But it's an analogy, so it holds in one sense and doesn't in another.
Q. And does prudence suggest how exactly to break up or end these friendships? Because it seems to me burning bridges with a sense of finality like that will come around to haunt you later in life. People who could end up in positions to help you out later could well be the very same ones you are ending friendships with now because of that "prudence" of yours.
A. Haha! You're very right. Fortunately for us we don't need to reinvent the wheel: a carpenter about 2,000 years ago already invented that specific one and answered your question: "If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell." (Mt 5:29-30)
"But my right eye might prove useful next year if I decide to do a course in art!"
"Pluck it out!"
"And how will I advance in my career without a right hand! How will I be able to compete with all those other right-handed people!?"
"Cut it off!"
Basically that carpenter was saying that your life and your loves should have priorities! Which is more important: your soul or your eye? Your soul! Which is more important: your soul or your work? Your soul! Which is more important: your soul or a friendship? Your soul! Act in consequence!
Replace "soul" with "friendship with God" if that helps drive the point home.
The problem of modern man is generally a fear of commitment. And we fear commitment because it demands sacrifice. And we fear sacrifice because it involves giving up something we have. And we fear giving up something (some things) we have because we already feel too empty and naked inside, we are interiorly unhappy and insecure. Bruce Lee would say "The poorer we are inwardly the more we try to enrich ourselves outwardly."
One author phrases it as a fear of freedom. We fear what we don't know, what we can't control: illness, snakes, death, the afterlife, freedom. And because of this we generally stay away and avoid these things... even freedom. We leave it prized, treasured but definitely unused. And that's the idea of freedom, to use it up in something noble, something magnanimous. Modern man's idea is to leave it unused: don't use up your freedom in making choices and commitments, always keep your options open.
Q. I fear I'll regret asking this because I'll probably be guilty of a number of them, but please humour me with some concrete examples of this fear for commitment that modern man has.
A. You have a thing for concrete examples...
Q. Blame engineering school. We're a very practical species.
A. That's a good thing...
Anyway. Modern man's fear of commitment:
-in religion for believers, we prefer our own interpretations, to be our own authority. That way we can change it when it suits us. "Works of mercy? Jesus didn't say we have to do works of mercy! But I'll definitely pray for those poor and hungry people."
For non-believers: I am a god unto myself, I decide what is good and what is evil. And as that American archbishop would repeat, "If we don't live as we believe, we will end up believing as we live."
-in marriage, we automatically understand the words "till death do us part" to have a footnote that clearly spells out options for divorce just in case;
-in sex, we have contraception just in case that love-making and love-giving act becomes a fruitful life-making and life-giving act and we're not ready to commit to raising a child just yet;
-in child-bearing we have backup contraception otherwise known as abortion;
-in relationships, teens and "twenteens" have cooked up "friends with benefits": we're not really boyfriend and girlfriend to the exclusion of others just in case things don't work out or in case either of us finds someone more attractive. But at the same time we want to have that intimacy that a man and his wife have - but without the vows;
-in our own moral, human, doctrinal and spiritual formation we never publicly commit to a programme that requires weekly attention or where I can be personally followed up at least every other week just in case that talk or Bible Study clashes with an EPL soccer match or a business meeting or because they will begin to make demands on me;
-in dieting we always have room for a regular "cheat meal" because really it is inhumane to expect that someone can stick to a regimen faithfully without wavering;
-with technology whenever we have an option of opening a file with more than one program we many times select one program and tap "just once" instead of "always" just in case down the road we wish to change programs because of some recent updates;
and so on.
Happy Sunday!
18thSeptember 2016